Thursday, September 14, 2017

This time around..

Whenever i have time to write something here, normally I am out of town.
This time around, I am in Beijing. The internet connection so slow which unable me to scroll my instagram feed. Hmm..

I was here 2 weeks ago. And i am here again since 3 nights ago till Friyay.
Big day coming for our office in China.
So, here i am.

Sleeping alone was never fun.
I miss the warmth and the soft skin of my son.
This imagination get carried away when i am away from him.

Oh yes. The husband. The one that God sent for me. Amazing man who have 1001 characters which always confuse me. Lol. Entertaining and really one of a kind. Sometimes i wonder..what is he? Is he a human or what? I even asked him..what are you? He just said his name with much pride. Elehhh!

I love them. They are part of my world. Being far from them is something that i always want to avoid. But, God knows what I need. Ya. I do need a break sometimes.

Working outstation can considered a good break for a fulltime working mom like me. Its really hard to feel relax whenever i am at home. Theres always something or somewhat need to be done.
So, here i am. On a king sized a starfish. Take it as privillege. Its not easy. Its not always fun while working outstation.

People always tend to see the fun part of it. Naik flight turun flight. Masuk hotel keluar hotel. Ya..indeed those are the best feeling when travelling for work. But, have you ever wondered the bad side of it? The workload.
The long working hours? The responsibility that you have to take.
Its not all fun..people!
This is not a holiday. This is work.

Well..i am just plain boring tonight.
I am winding down. Have to get up early tomorrow. Wish me luck this Friday!

Selamat malam.
Signing out from East Beijing. 😊

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The last day of February

What i have learned on the last day of February in 2017 in my life?

1. Trust is mend to be broken? I dont know.
2. Life is short. But you may plan your life wisely.
3. Do not waste food. Yes. I fried the tenggiri after 1 week + in the freezer.
4. Be thankful on what you have now. My son is getting well.
5. Sadaqah can comes in many form. Yay! I have finally get the 4th anak susuan tonight.
6. You are naive before. Dont be too hard on yourself.
7. Sajadah is the best mat in the world. My babysister brought me the thick one last weekend. :)
8. Be forgiven to all the misjudgement in your younger days. Still trying.
9. Betrayal is one of a biggest form of a heartbreak.
10. You are enough today. Be happy on yourself.
11. Forgiveness is cheap.
12. Laugh anytime. Dont take life too seriously.
13. Cry while prostrate is a very satisfying act.
14. Love deeply at anytime. To anyone. To anything.
15. Breastfeeding is a norm.
16. Always attend to yourself first. Regardless in any circumstances.
17. Respect is to be earned. Despite your position.
18. Dreams do came true.
19. Clean eating is hard when you are breastfeed . Alasan much :p
20. Life is about living. Hidup je laaahh
21. Do not suppress your emotions. Say ' fuck you ' when necessary. Lol
22. Blood is thicker than water or water is thicker than blood? Idk. No blood no water at the moment.
23. Everything in this world is on loan terms
24. Make mistake and admit. Please make sure its never be repeated trice. Hehe
25. Hard boiled eggs is a great source of protein. I am hungry all the time.
26. You are alone in your life. What? You dont realised that before?
27. My son is the reason why i am still here. This is absolutely true.
28. I am bored despite the busyness. Typical me.
29. What? It's March already? 😱

May March bring us more greatness in life.

Good night and sleep tide. 😘

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Oh..pity the self-pity

I had a very rough moment a week before my trip to Myanmar.
With the work load, the urgent stuff which comes from the boss who was away and had a huge difference of time zone, kelam kabutness preparing for my trip itinerary, arranging for the current checklist and etc etc..oh not forgetting, the period has also decided to drop by within the same time as well.. and yasss! The drop of milk production was adding the cherry on top of my volcano.

Sigh. Emotion wrecked. Pretty bad. Really. I blew up my tantrum like a kid who didn't get the attention that she needs while I was in the office that one day. I cried during my pumping session in the surau. My milk didn't increase, of course. My phone didn't stop beeping. My body ache and I spread the bad vibes to the entire room in the office.

I cried about 3 minutes. Then I suddenly stop.
Enough with the self pity. I havent had this kind of break down since my confinement day, I guess? No one force me to be in this situation.

Why so much pressure?
I hate self pity. I was raised without much empathy. Not even to myself. Pretty weird huh? But thats what i realised since i been married. And when talk about self pity? Ya has never been practice. Not even my mother taught me so.

So, why did I cry?
The answer is easy. The pressure came because I wanted to win it all. Yes. Win it all. We women were taught that 'We can make it all happen'..'We are independent'..'We can win it all' 😜
Not to say those are wrong. But the mistake made by most women is..we take all of that phrase literally.

Win it all doesnt mean you can have it all the things in the world that you want. Independent is not meant for you to do all the house chores by your own..or keep the house spotless clean while taking care of your kids without the help of your husband. Make it all happen does not mean you must provide all the requests on your work in a ridiculous timeline.

Well, i was wrong. I lost my balance and i took all the sayings literally. Yes. Each of it. Literally. I lost in the battle given by God. I have encountered the first meltdown of 2017. Perfect way to start the new year huh?

Life must go on. Cheesy as it is. I wiped out my tears. Completed my pumping session and started my session to The One.
That was all i did before i went back into the office with a different vibes.

Two things i have learnt that day.
No.1- I can win it all (only with my own definition and help from people in my surroundings)
No.2- Self pity doesn't help much in life. I can be sad but not pity myself for nothing.

Because life is like that 😜

Oh, Happy Chinese New Year.
Have a great long weekend, people!

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, January 16, 2017

Just another manic Monday

It was raining this morning.
I didnt have a good sleep for the past 3 days.
Well, to be honest ..i forgot what great sleep mean since I saw the 2 lines on the pregnancy test - which was more than a year ago.
Zafeer had a fever on Friday .Teething maybe? Not sure of what..we went to the clinic on Saturday as his temperature spiked that morning. was a viral fever. Glad but still worried. Thats a typical mak2 syndrome which i never fancy when it occurs.
Weekend was quite packed with family activities. Parents in law came visited us..small family gathering.. spending time with the kids..and the biggest responsibility which was taking care of my sick baby.
And when all is done..Monday has arrived. Safely.
But my week just started again.
Work days make its appearance again.
Zafeer is getting better. Work is never finish.
Family is the fundamental.
And I must find time for me and FH to huuhaa again. Yes. Its been a while since we had our night out.
Come back to reality. Monday flies so fast.
Yet, at this hour..i still need to switch on my laptop.
Manic Monday, I guess.
Just as it is.
May all of us have a pleasant week,eh?

Sent from my iPhone