The Last Goodbye - 2010!

I had enough for 2010

It was a pleasure being here

I am welcoming 2011 with no hopes, no expectations and no plans!

=)

Addio 2010!

Benvenuti 2011!

Dream on ..

People said-

"When you dream about someone, its a sign that that someone is thinking of you"

How far can you trust that statement?

Its that true?

I have no idea on that.

What I always believe is..

dream could be something/somewhere/somewhat/someone which always in your mind before you sleep.

Its like a mind game.

But as always...

Dream will remain as a dream.

It could be happen in reality..but not entirely. =)

FB status for the day

Lea Anif

‎: I share because I care. But when I don't share, that is the moment that I care for myself.

Weekend Food Galore

The moment I think I have to cut down all the fats and calories everyday, that is the moment when I encountered with the best food that suits my appetite.

Sigh.

Life is like that.

When you really wants it..

You'll never get it.

But, last weekend was the officially food galore in the entire year of 2010.

I am here to thank the Lord for it. =)

Lets enjoy the photos on what I had to fulfill the "nafsu"

Bijoux Cupcakes! Phewwwww...

Alexis's Chocolate "whatever-they-called-it" Meringue..Fuhh

Baskin Robin's Banana Royal..Slurpp!

My homemade Pizza. (Before)

Beef pepperoni,Mushrooms,Capsicum and A lot of cheeseeeee!

My Homemade Pizza (After)

The "not-so" Italian Dinner.

Yummy! =)

So, are you guys hungry now?

Heheheh

Happy Monday, people!

The Last Xmas Incident.

Exactly a year ago.

Yet, I could imagine every single details like it happened yesterday.

The consequences from actions could be permanent.

Especially in my case.

Well, they say..

-Fcuk the history!

-Fuck yesterday!

-Just move forward.

But I just couldn't do it

Retrieving the moment on the same date last Christmas...I couldn't event imagine that I was able to do so to someone who always be with me no matter what.

and yet he is still there- after what he went through and he will be always there for me.

I am thanking The Lord for the opportunity.

for letting me be here and enjoying everything in this world.

Regret- is always here in my heart.

I am getting fatter and sicker.

Inside out.

Work

Today, we having a Xmas party at the office.

So, I have decided not to do any work for the entire 8 hrs in the ofc.

But still I'm doing some work.

Heh.

Please blame the weather.

Its not even sunny and not even rainy.

I called it " the Christmas weather"

Its cold even outsider the office.

I am missing to write something here.

Its just a lot of things are not "share-able"

Therefore, I am finally talking to certain people who understands my situation.

What I could say now is-

I am being more lazy..lazy..and lazy.

Everyone is on the hols mood.

I can't be in that mood since I still have thousands and one things to settle.

Yet, I am still lazy.

But my boss just handing something to me.

Work..

Thats about it.

Haiiyooohhh..

What's bothering me now?

At this time - Exactly 2.45 pm on 20th Dec 2010 is:

My weight.

Gaining weight is something that I am not proud of.

Really.

Consider yourself as fat- is not cool at all.

Hating your own body- is needed due to certain time.

Well.

Eating no rice is a must.

Starting from today.

Nonsense ramble.

I don’t know what to feel.

I am sick of doing this

I can’t stand all this.

I am tired

Mind, body and soul.

I would like to run.

Run from all the nonsense.

Well,

I am praying for the best thing to happen to me.

I don’t have a plan.

Not even any.

I am just forcing myself to follow and go through what will be arrived in my life.

I made THOUSANDS of terrible and stupid mistakes in my life.

Every now and then..

I’m blaming myself for being THAT stupid.

I don’t know what to do now.

Just sit, pray, hope and wait.

There wouldn't be any chance for me anymore to make things right again.

True.

That is the fact.

1 Disember

Tahun lepas

1 December 2009

aku sedang berhorey-horey di Langkawi.

1st day of LIMA 2009 was one of the best moment in my working experience.

Tahun ni

1 December 2010

aku masih juga berhorey-horey di Kuala Lumpur

Bekerja di agensi pengiklanan yang mana aku ada kawan-kawan yang menyeronokkan.

Walaupun tak seseronok dulu.

Tapi tetap rasa gembira.

Lain tempat lain cara

Lain cara Lain rasa.

Alhamdulillah.

Terima kasih tuhan atas nikmatnya.

*Hati makin kecik. Migraine datang menyerang da 2-3 hari ni dengan teruk sangat.Tapi masih mampu ketawa berdekah-dekah*

=)

Challenges

You are being challenged.

What will you do?

How far will you think?

How relevant your mind to settle it?

Challenge is not really a problem.

It could be a problem once you think it is.

Life is so full of challenges.

Not only in your mind,

it is also relates to your surroundings,your people,your family, your financial status, your heart, your maturity, your integrity, your body and soul and etc etc etc.

My mind has been molested by negative thoughts these few days.

Really.

I have to be positive (fcuk lah be positive konon!) in dealing with certain things in life (not "certain"..its basically..ALL)

Dealing with it its not easy.

Yalah Yalah Yalah..

Penat la!

I am running to a destination called "nowhere"

Just because I am tired with the challenges that coming into my way everytime I feel relief.

Want to join me?:)

The expectations.

I always wonder on the expectation towards me.

What people are expecting me to do, to say, to react and to believe?

In this scenario..

If you wondering what I am expecting from myself in zero.

Honestly, after all the tragedy, the sadness, the downside of myself has growth.

I do not expect anything huge for me to do for myself anymore.

2010 has taught me a lot in the matters of living with no expectations.

Low self esteem? That I always be.

I'll never expect something good to happen these days.

I used to be a person who always believe in whatever that I do.

Regardless how hard the obstacles that I will personally go through.

I always stand on my motion.

I am stubborn in a good way and the bad way.

Well, seems like nothing much to expect and people are still expect me to do more that I could even believe, so it will be a "no" answer for that.

I don't expect anything from myself and for myself.

So, guys..please do not expect anything good from me to you.

I have no proper plans in my hand at this very moment and I will never have plans in the future.- I guess.

2010 has almost reach the end but still- I do not expect anything anymore.

So, please expect the unexpected because if you don't you'll be end u

p like me- A person who has no expectations at all.

Its not good- actually.

Hahaha

Have a great Monday nite , people! =)

Expect the unexpected. Be prepare for something worst than the good ones to come!

Paksa

Aku tak suka kena paksa.

Sesiapa pun tak suka kena paksa.

Tapi ramai orang suka memaksa.

Yang dipaksa dan terpaksa tu lah aku sekarang ni.

Benci lah!

Jangan paksa-paksa boleh?

I am stuck.

Fcuked!

Benci benci benci!

Nak Lari Nak Lari Nak Lari

Nak lari

Nak lari

Nak lari

Nak lari jauh-jauh.

Nak lari

Nak lari

Nak lari

Nak lari

Nak lari laju-laju

Tapi tak boleh.

Sebab kaki aku dah terikat.

Terima kasih.

Macam-macam hal

Dah la O.K.U

Tak ada rumah.

Tak de kereta

Takde daya

Tumpang rumah sedara

Badan kena rashes. Teruk

Kerja banyak

Balik lambat kena sound.

Apa fcuk aku hidup macam ni?

Macam-macam hal lah.

Itu pasal aku tak suka mintak tolong sesetengah orang.

Orang bercakap.

Orang tak faham.

Apa lah nasib badan..

Adoi.

=((

Provokasi

"Kalau tak ada angin, ataupun tak ada yang goyangkan..pokok memang tak bergoncang"

Nak cakap

"Jangan Provoke" -konon?

Hek eleh!

Kalau lah orang tahu..mesti kau malu.

EH EH EH... geli laaahh!!

Hidup tak payah nak kena provoke.

Macam kau best sangat.

Tak ada siapa pun yang best dalam dunia ini.

Nama pun manusia..semua sama.

Sama rata. Sama rasa. Walaupun tinggi tak sama. Tapi tuhan maha adil.

Aku pun tak payah kena provoke jugak.

Sebab aku tak excited apa2 pun lagi

Hidup da stuck.

Tak dapat plan untuk diri sendiri lagi.

Semua orang plan kan.

Lantak la.

Hidup ini indah.

Tapi hidup aku tak indah macam dulu.

Bila kebebasan dah tak ada.

Macam dipenjara hati tu.

Pretending to be happy

Until I couldn't take it anymore.

Wish me luck even there will be no luck at all.

Patah hati tau.

Korang mana tahu!

Kita

Kadang-kadang kita fikir kita ajee yang selalu jadi mangsa keadaan.

Kadang-kadang, kita fikir kita ajee yang selalu dikecewakan

Kadang-kadang, kita fikir kita ajee yang selalu terkena.

Tapi secara kita tak sedari, pernah tak kita fikir yang kadang-kadang...

Kita juga jadikan orang mangsa keadaan?

Kita juga selalu kecewakan orang?

Kita juga selalu mengenakan orang?

Hari ini aku dah terfikir yang bukan aku aje yang selalu jadi mangsa, kecewa dan terkena.

Malah, aku juga jadi pemangsa, mengecewakan orang dan mengenakan orang.

Nobody is perfect

So do I.

I am sorry if I hurt you and you feel hurt without me realizing it. =(

After 40 days of MC

This is how I look after when through the fabulous forty days of MC. =)

Gain weight and a non- official O.K.U

Picture taken this morning by Sabrina, Monday- 22nd November 2010 at 9.30 am

I am welcoming back myself to the office!

Welcome back to the life!

=)

Sad to leave, but I just have to.

I'll be leaving Johor Bahru tomorrow.

Sad

but

I'm going to meet Kuala Lumpur tomorrow

Happy

Sad and Happy.

I'll be missing JB so very much.

Seriously.

I'll be back to the hectic life which I also miss it a lot!

Seriously.

Too many things to do.

To many things to adjust.

With negative thoughts that always be in my mind, I have to deal with it- by myself.

God, family and some great friends will always be around to help.

That is for sure.

The mixed emotions is already here in my heart.

I hate this!

Life must go on.

God is testing those who are able to take it.

One of them is me.

I always know that.

Good night people.

Good night Johor Bahru that I always love - a lot! =)

Stalker

Besides facebook

Blog is the best medium for stalking.

True.

Have you ever done that?

No???

That's a lie.

Everybody does it. =)

People always wanted to know about other people everyday.

Facebook is the ultimate medium for stalkers including other social-networking sites.

Therefore, reading other people's blog is another way of doing it.

But have you ever thought that you (which you always think that -"I am Ms or Mrs Nobody) are also being stalked by some strangers?

Haaaaa...

Please bear in mind.

You might think that you are ordinary and not an interesting person to be stalked.

But somehow, somewhere..there are some people who always watching you.. (besides God, obviously)

I am laughing and I think its funny when I get to know that "some people" are stalking me by reading my online journal due to some pathetic reason.

Dear stalker(s),

Please be informed that,I am definitely "nothing" to be compared to you, I am the "O.K.U (s)", I am in my deepest-shit level of life currently and I am seriously have nothing to share with you.

So?

What are you still doing here?

Get a life!

Please.

=)

Korban

Lea Anif ‎: Masa tengah sayang, semua nak dikorbankan. Bila da tak sayang, tengoklah siapa yang terkorban. Itu yang dinamakan "Standard Relationship Procedure". Selamat Hari Raya Korban, kawan-kawan!

6 minutes ago · · Comment · View feedback (2)

Selamat Hari Raya Korban, kawan-kawan.

=)

Aku rindu kamu

Aku rindu kamu.

Keretaku...:((

dan beberapa orang tertentu.

Selamat malam.

Fcuking Sad

I am so fcuking sad

I am so fcuking sad

I am so fcuking sad

I am so fcuking sad

I am so fcuking sad

I am so fcuking sad

By viewing old facebook photo albums, it reminds me of the good old days/life that destroyed.

I couldn't accept any mistakes from my bad decision anymore.

Please put the blame on me.

Because all the bad things happened, are based on my bad judgement.

Yet, I still feel the same.

I am so fcuking sad.

and its getting worse.

Sunday, please light up my life.

Since I couldn't deal with this fcuking emotion anymore.

Thank you.

Hujan

Hujan selalu buat hati sedih

Mendung selalu buat rasa nak menangis

Hujan.

sedih.

Aku benci rasa sedih

Aku benci rasa sayu

Aku benci rasa nak menangis.

Aku benci nak meraung.

Aku nak buang rasa itu semua jauh-jauh.

Benci

Hujan lebat di petang Sabtu.

Johor Bahru dilimpahi rahmatNya

Sejuk tapi masih lagi sedih.

Lawan gambar.

Aku rasa..sekarang dekat mana-mana laman web sosial, adalah musim lawan gambar kahwin, gambar anak, gambar kereta yang laki bagi, gambar keluarga mertua, gambar mainan anak, gambar hadiah yang laki bagi, gambar family sapa lagi bahagia, gambar pre-wedding, gambar honeymoon dan segala gambar berkaitan kekeluargaan.

Kan? Cuba tengok betul-betul.

Berlumba-lumba nak tunjuk yang mereka bahagia.

Habis..yang tak ada keluarga sendiri, solo molo ni..nak tunjuk lawan gambar apa untuk tunjuk bahagia?

Oh..gambar office yang best, holiday, kawan-kawan, makanan, mak bapak, adik beradik, gambar kena parang, gambar kereta beli sendiri dan masih lagi hutang kat bank, gambar dekat hospital, gambar birthday, gambar anak buah, gambar masa kerja, gambar masa meeting, gambar masa nak tidur dan lain-lain gambar.

Kan?

=)

Itulah hakikatnya.

Lain status hidup, Lain taraf sosial, Lain cara lawan gambar.

Symptom

Have you ever feel "annoying" to yourself, to your life, to the current situation, to the time, to the things happened, to the food, to the social networking sites, to the internet, to the clothes that you wear, to the medicine and to the everything that annoys you?

Yup. I do.

I am dealing with it now.

Have you ever feel unwanted, useless, stress,unusual, loser,nonsense and all sort of negative thinking that makes you want to puke?

Yes, I do.

I am dealing with it at the moment.

Have you ever feel that GOD IS GREAT and trying to feel that EVERYTHING HAPPENED FOR A REASON?

Of course

I do.

and I am dealing with it everyday.

I am practically dealing with a symptom called "depression"

and I am still smiling.

Ya Allah, a lil' help here! Please... =((

Jiwa Kacau

=Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Fikir kerja.Fikir hal ofis.Fikir duit.Jiwa Kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Fikir hidup.Fikir duit. Fikir hatiFikir ofismate.Fikir bos.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Fikir hutang.Fikir cinta.Fikir hidup.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa Kacau.Jiwa kacau.Fikir kawan-kawan.Fikir rumah.Fikir dunia.Fikir trauma.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Fikir masa.Fikir derita.Fikir family.Fikir sakit.Fikir itu.Fikir ini.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa Kacau.Jiwa Kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau.Jiwa kacau =

Jiwa kacau

11.11.11

Kau dapat berapa A?

Hari ni dalam facebook sibuk orang cerita pasal result UPSR.

Yang mana anak-anak diorang dapat 5A semua sibuk post kat status diorang.

Alhamdulillah.

Yang mana anak-anak diorang tak dapat 5A, tulis jugak kat status..tapi takla tulis berapa A anak diorang dapat.

Alhamdulillah jugak.

Dulu, masa sekolah..selalu aku dengar orang tanya soalan camni

"Kau dapat berapa A?"

Tak kiralah..UPSR ke..PMR ke SPM ke..semua pun kuar soalan yang sama.

Dengan bangganya cakap lah berapa deret A yang aku penah dapat.

Ok. Bangga. Riak. Eksyen. Berlagak. Apa lagi? Oh.."Kekwat" (betul ke penggunaan perkataan ni kat sini?_

Dulu, 1997- 1st time UPSR jadi 5 subjek.

Jadi..bila dapat banyak A- bergema satu sekolah!

Lagi-lagi kalau dapat 5A- mak ai..siap mak bapak boleh cium2 dan buat kenduri kesyukuran.:)

Itu dulu.

Sekarang, berlambak-lambak budak dapat 5A. Sampai sekolah asrama tak cukup nak masukkan budak-budak 5A ni. Sampai budak-budak 5A nak masuk sekolah premium pun dah susah. Ramai sangat yang cemerlang,gemilang,terbilang dan belang-belang. Heh.

UPSR sekadar permulaan.

PMR tu pertengahan perjalanan pembelajaran.

SPM itu penghubung kecemerlangan dalam akademik.

Tak semestinya UPSR baik..PMR excellent..SPM gemilang..masa depan seseorang itu cerah!

=)

Sebab?Seiringan dengan umur, situasi , pergaulan, pemikiran..kecemerlangan akademik itu hanya penghubung kepada kehidupan yang bahagia.

Ia adalah sekeping kertas yang mampu membantu manusia mendapatkan kehidupan yang lebih baik JIKA digunakan secara betul dan berhati-hati.

Ingat orang ada degree semua berjaya ke dalam hidup?

Tak semestinya.

Ada degree tak semestinya kaya

Ada degree tak semestinya bahagia

Cuba lihat diluar sana.

Berapa ramai manusia yang ada "paper" , tapi kerja ntah apa-apa?

Ramai kan?

Tak pasti lagi kalau bagus belajar, baguslah hidup akan datang.

Bukan lah bermakna aku cakap "tak payah belajar".."berenti sekolah".."pergi mintak sedekah"..

Tak!

Cuma janganlah confident sangat bila result tu gempak.:)

Sebab nasib kita tak terletak pada result yang cemerlang semata-mata.

Kita yang decide. Kita yang kalerkan.Kita yang hendak.:)

Nak tau result aku berapa masa UPSR dulu?

Result yang aku bangga2kan macam nak rak pada 1997?

Sila lihat gambar dibawah.

Cuba teka..nama aku yang mana?

Hahahaha..

*Stress sebenarnya sebab sakit tak baik lagi dan terapi tangan hanya dekat komputer*:(

Bittersweet

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

That's just the way the story goes..

No I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I let you go

Tahun Sedih Bagiku

Jangan dengar lirik dia.

Baca title lagu je.

2010- Tahun sedih bagiku

Ya ammpun.. kepam gile dah ni.

Masuk air daaahhhhhhhhhh =((

Hahaha.

Cek Mek Molek

Lagu Khas buat anak encik Yusof.

Silakan berjoget ye!

Lagu pilihan kau hari ni.

Tangan aku da sakit ni..=))

Aku stress!! Huwarrgghhh!!!

Kekwat dan Sentap.

Kekwat:

Setahu aku azwan ali je yang selalu guna perkataan tu.

Kat skola aku takde belajar perkataan "kekwat"

Wat kek ="Buat kek"

aku faham la..

Sentap:

Oh..rupa-rupanya bloggers banyak pakai perkataan "sentap" sebagai "marah"/"merajuk"

Tu pun ayat-ayat Azwan Ali dalam tv yang selalu aku dengar.

Ok. Kepada manusia-manusia yang suka menggunakan dua perkataan diatas dalam coretan hidup diorang di alam maya mahupun yang menggunakan sebagai perkataan dalam percakapan seharian.. Maafkan aku sebab tak dapat terima perkataan seperti diatas.:(

Sorry eh.

Kalau nak "sentap" pasal aku tulis yang aku tak berkenan dengan perkataan "kekwat" dan "sentap" ni.. "sentap" lah.

Memang sorry.

Aku geli!

*Just my 4 cents*

=)

Stranded

Officially,

Lea Anif will be stranded in JB till xx November 2010

I know.

It doesn't sounds good to myself and to some people who wants me to be back in KL as soonest (is there any? haha.. oh..my boss, perhaps :P).

However, my condition is not yet stable (hands are stiff and neck is painful every-time I walk and sleep) and I still have to deal with sleepless nights (Xanax or xanax!).

What to do?

Oh, I've gained few pounds and by taking it into a positive side- I consider myself as healthy.(ya rite!)

So?

Its not that hard to lost few more kilos when I'm back to work.

Simple.

Well, as I always mentioned- I always miss my hometown

But my work..my life (as if I have one!?), my friends (so many of them!) is always be in the heart of Kuala Lumpur.

Its not easy to rest yourself (physically,spiritually and mentally) in your parents house where your mind is working and thinking what will be happen next? and /or what is happening there? or/maybe how is everything?

My car(which I'm not sure whether I could drive it again or not) is still in the service centre of PERODUA.

My house (which I always said- I have an emotional bonding with it) is still there- of course! I have given a month( or worst case scenario- 2 months) notice/s to the owner before I let it go..Yes guys.. after all things happened...finally- I am moving out. (My heart is broken cause I love the house..still!)

My work(which has been taking care by beautiful and thoughtful and also intelligent colleagues for a while) will still be there. Oh, I missed my cubicle. I miss my counter top and my old pc. =((

My friends (who some of them are still considering me as their friends) also will always be there.

Next? (My favourite question)

I have no idea.

Need to strengthen my emotion and bring back my trust to myself..I guess!

4.06 am- 9 November 2010, I am still up and stranded in JB now! Heh..

Good morning, people!

OKU(sementara) Oldskool current fav

Call me oldskool.

Go and laugh about it.

But, this is my current fav since becoming the OKU(s)

=)

Do listen to it

Enjoy it guys!

Tiap Hari Melintas Di Sini
Kuharapkan Dapat Memandang Mu
Sayangnya Engkau Persis Tak Peduli
Akulah Seorang Merindu

Jeling Jeling Kau Tidak Berpaling
Senyum Diberi Tiada Balasan
Sikapmu Sayang Membuatku Rungsing
ku Turut Hati Merana Badan

Berakit Berakitlah Ke Hulu
Berenang Renang ku Ketepian
Bersakit Biarku Sakit Dahulu
Bersenang Denganmu Kemudian

Kelip Kelip ku Sangkakan Api
Sinar Mentari Membawa Cahaya
Kau Hilang Ghaib Sangkaku Kau Benci
Kiranya Sengaja Nak Menduga

Trust

What will happen when you can't trust anyone at the moment?

What will happen when you realize that you are dealing with "TRUST ISSUE" now?

What will happen?

I am sick.

Inside and out.

Stop the time now, please..

and turn it back to November 4, 1985

(I know it'll never happen)

Good.

Life is so fcukin fun!=)

Twenty Five on November Four

I'm officially 25 today.

What do I wish for?

Blackberry

New handbag

New car

New baju

New Kasut

More Money

Bla bla bla bla bla

Ok.

Seriously??

What do I wish for this year's bday?

Happiness which including the peace, the wealth and the health =)

Thats all.

Thanks guys for the wishes. (on fb and via mobile)

Love,

Lea

2 November

Two days before reaching "suku abad"

Here are the scars which could be permanent on my skin.

Nice?

=)

1st birthday gift in 2010

Thank you Anie Kamarudin.

=)

Congratulations on your success in becoming the Wee wee!!!

Love Love

I Hate Love

I hate the mornings
Cause I know what they bring
You get up and take a shower in no time, your leaving
And it sounds so selfish
But i can’t help but think
That if you knew how much i needed you
You’d stay cause

I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love yeahhyeahhh
I hate love yeahh woooo

I hate your phone calls
In the middle of the day
Cause all you do is remind that my baby is so far away
It drives me crazy
Cause i need you with me
I know its time for you to understand when i say that

I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love yeahhyeahhh

I don’t want to feel this alone
Everytime you walked out that door (I can’t help it)
I start missing you (I can’t help it no)
Wish I didn’t need you this much (I can’t help it)
But i love how it feels when we touch

I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much

I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love
I hate love
I hate love

Reality Check!

Cinta boleh datang dengan sekelip mata.

Cinta itu tidak mampu berdiri dengan sendirinya TANPA

cita-cita, masa depan, tanggungjawab, keyakinan dan duit.

Dengan CINTA sahaja tak kan mampu membawa kita ke mana-mana.

Lagipun, orang kata CINTA itu kan subjektif.

Kita lah yang mencorakkannya.

Konklusi- CINTA itu adalah perasaan.

=)

Politik

Politik

Bukan kat Dewan Rakyat, Dewan Negara ataupun Dewan Undangan Negeri je sekarang ni.

Dalam lingkungan kawan-kawan pun ada yang main politik jugak.

Aku manusia yang senang kena tipu dengan kawan-kawan.

Nak cakap hati baik bersih sesuci embun tu, tidak lah. Itu dah kira riak!

Tapi kalau nak menaruh syak wasangka, iri hati, dendam segala-memang tak lah kan!

Kalau aku berkawan- memang telus.

Apa aku nak cakap, aku cakap

Apa aku nak jerit, aku jerit

Apa aku nak carut, aku carutkan.

Kawan-kawan aku memang tahu cara aku berkawan.

Konsep

"Aku makan..kau makan, Aku tak makan..kau pun tak makanlah!"

Memang akan ada dalam jalinan persahabatan antara aku dengan kawan-kawan aku.

Mereka pun tahu.

Mereka tak kisah.

Mulut aku memang takde insurance.

Insurance company tak bagi insured mulot sebab aku bukan Angelina Jolie yang bermulot seksi itu

Jadi apa yang terkeluar dari mulut memang takde filter dari hati.

Alhamdulillah..

dalam keadaan "orang kurang upaya sementara (OKUS)" ni pun ..masih ramai manusia bergelar teman nak menghargai aku.

Terima kasih kalian yang aku sayang.

Namun, berpolitik dalam berkawan memang aku pantang.

Tak suka..cakap depan-depan.

Menyampah- sound je direct

Sayang- bagitau seluruh alam

Kan senang?

Sebab aku kalau berkawan, aku sayang dan hargai dan bukan sekadar difacebook saja.

Menyampah dengan politik-politik manusia yang kononnya kawan dengan aku.

Tak nak kawan..cakap tak nak kawan.

Aku tak kisah.

Sebab kawan-kawan yang aku ada sekarang ni kebanyakkannya semua boleh dipanggil kawan.

Tak main politik. Tak main protokol. Tak busuk hati. Tak ada perasaan iri hati. Telus!

Takpelah.

Mungkin jodoh kawan dengan sesetengah manusia itu sudah habis.

Oi. Kawan pun macam kawen jugak tau.

Tak de jodoh..takdelah jadi kawan.

Oh.. aku tak suka politik.

=)

Tangan dah sebal. Bengkak tak surut lagi. Tapi

Sekarang dah boleh mandi sendiri. Tak payah suruh orang mandikan lagi

Wehuuu!!!

*Kawan-kawan yang rasa aku ni kawan dan aku rasa dorang tu kawan aku..OK..AKU SAYANG KORANG eh!*

Jahit terlerai sudah.

Latest updates-27 October 2010

Permanent Lovebite - 4 stitches

The smallest but the toughest to handle - 7 stitches

The most horrible- 8 stitches

Total stitches = 21

=)

Teknologi

Dulu..

Orang beli barang..

Beli baju..

Beli Tupperware..

Beli barang kemas..

Beli semacam2 pun

ikut catalog

Sekarang pun sama

Boleh beli barang..baju..barang kemas dan semacam-macam benda ikut catalog.

Tapi

catalog online.

Macam Facebook..Blog

segala.

Hebat bukan teknologi itu?

Membawa kita selangkah ke masa hadapan.

Hebat!

*Tangan aku dah bengkak. Ngilu. Mak kata aku degil. Sibuk nak online. Ni semua teknologi punya pasal!*

Heh!

Emosi

Pagi petang siang malam

hidup dalam emosi.

Malam tak boleh tidur

Siang pulak mengantuk.

Otak ligat berfikir.

Stress menjadi-jadi.

Pening datang selalu.

Meroyan punya rasa macam orang baru lepas beranak.

Camni ke rasanya?

Aku penat nak cover sedih.

Aku letih nak cover duka.

Aku senang nak mengaruk.

Emosi melampau-lampau.

Menyampah dengan diri sendiri pun ada.

Esok nak pergi bukak jahit.

Takut.

Cinta

Mak selalu cakap...

Cinta itu macam PERANG. SENANG nak DATANG, SUSAH nak HILANG.

I'm listening to this, currently.

Kau kan slalu tersimpan di hatiku
Meski ragamu tak dapat ku miliki
Jiwaku kan slalu bersamamu
Meski kau tercipta bukan untukku

Tuhan berikan aku cinta satu kali lagi
Hanya untuk barsamanya
Ku mencintainya sungguh mencintainya

Rasa ini sungguh tak wajar
Namun ku ingin tetap bersama dia
Untuk selamanya

Mengapa cinta ini terlarang
Saat ku yakini kaulah milikku
Mengapa cinta kita tak bisa bersatu
Saat ku yakin tak ada cinta selain dirimu

7 days to 25 years

I just wish that this year will be ended faster.

I don't really fancy 2010.

I don't want any present.

I don't want any celebration.

Maybe I'm just sad.

Maybe.

Nov 4, 2010 = 25.

Tua oiiiii!!! ;-)

Bila Kau

Bila kau banyak fikir,

Kau jadi serabut

Bila kau banyak termenung,

Kau jadi bengong

Bila kau banyak teringat,

Kau jadi bingai

Bila kau banyak menangis,

Kau jadi sedih

Bila kau banyak masalah,

Kau jadi resah

Bila kau banyak sembunyi rasa,

Kau jadi gelisah

Bila kau banyak mengaruk,

Kau jadi beruk

Bila kau tak boleh tidur malam,

Kau jadi bengang

Bila kau banyak nak cerita,

Kau jadi pelupa

Bila kau hati tak senang,

Kau rasa nak terjun longkang

Bila kau nak taip banyak...

Time tu la tangan kau berdenyut dan makin bengkak!

Haiiiiiiihhhhhhhhoyoyoyoyoyo!

I Will Remember You

Dedicated to some people who used to share the same feelings with me.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember all the good times that we had
We let them slip away from us when things got bad
Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun
I want to feel your warmth upon me, I want to be the one

I'm so tired,I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, we can't be heard

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
Gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Ten Things from Thousands and One things to tell

1. You guys know what happened to me recently? Please refer to this

2. My left hand is still swollen. Have you ever seen "tangan babi" (please think about it..tangan babi ok?)in your entire life? Please look at my left hand now. I am typing using my right hand only.-Slowly. Amazing oi!

3. A total of 21 stitches makes me suffer. I eat using spoon- like all those Mat Saleh.- Classic! Can't move my neck to the left like I used to do. Skins are not as clear as before- Scars!

4. New IC, New driving license, New ATM cards but the same OLD ME with NO MONEY. Hey..I don't even have a purse oi!

5. They have found my baby Jacky. Alhamdulillah. He is in the PERODUA HOSPITAL, currently.

6. Need to find new place to start with not so new life. Any helpers?

7. I miss my office. I miss my colleagues. I miss my work. Now I just realized that I am a workaholic. I am sick of staying at home and do nothing.

8. I miss my BELOVED FRIENDS. You guys are the best. God Bless you all!-Special write up will be created soon!

9. I can't sleep at night anymore without XANAX- so called my new sleeping mate.

10. I still can't believe all of this happened to me but thank God that I am still alive.

....will be continued as my right hand and my fingers are getting stiffer now.

2010?

Alhamdulillah.

=)

Penat

Sekarang sebenarnya penat.

Jumaat dah rasa macam semuanya tak sempat.

Pukul 8 malam masih dipejabat.

Penat

Sangat-sangat mahukan rehat. ;-)

Oi.rasa sangat tak sehat!

Smooth Operator.

Semenjak budak kejam suka conteng itu ajar aku paste video youtube dalam blog...sekarang sudah gian ye.

Fav song of the day

7th October 2010.

=)

People behind the screen.

Since Ive been doing some "blog-walking" activities for the past few months, I realized something in common that "so -called" famous blogger had.

"Invisibility"

The just love to be invisible

Maybe they thought that they some sort of "hollow man" kinda creature.

What they like to do is..

They will express whatever they have in mind in 101%.

Then they will write about their thoughts to the maximum capacity.

They will tell jokes..stories and whatevernot in their comfort space which is the blog.

They tell lies in their blog

They tell their satisfaction and dissatisfaction in their lives in the blog

They tell the stories about their family and friends in the blog.

They posted pictures on their blog.

But none of the pictures are theirs.

=)

Funny.

People behind the screen- without the voice, without the face, without the attitude.

People could write anything ..even some of it are true and maybe most of it are total nonsense.

I am wondering why are they reacting like that.

They are famous in this virtual world.

People praised them

People love them

Just by the writing that they created.

Without get to know the real person in the real world.

That is the beauty of the virtual world.

People behind the screen.

Nice writing

Nice expression

Nice words

Nice jokes.

Nice quotes.

But

Without the face.

Maybe they just like their readers to play some guessing games. Heh.

Lets just read and makes them happy to help them to boost their confidence.:)

Mula-mula dan Lepas dah lama

Mula-mula

I miss you segala

Mula-mula

I love you bagai nak gila.

Mula-mula

Makan tak selera

Tidur tak lena

Mandi tak rasa

Mula-mula

Cinta itu kita saja yang punya

Mula-mula

Cakap kat telefon tak cukup rasanya

Mula-mula

Tak puas menatap muka

Mula-mula

I can't live without you, oh Dear!!

___________________________________________________________

Lepas dah lama..

Telefon kalau takde pun tak apa

Lepas dah lama..

"I miss you" itu apa?

Lepas dah lama..

Cinta pun dah tak ada

Lepas dah lama..

Nak tengok muka buat menyemak aje..

Lepas dah lama

Kalau boleh outstation lama-lama pun tak apa.

Lepas dah lama

Makan lagi penting dari dia

Mandi kalau boleh nak duduk dalam bilik air berlama-lama

Tidur sehari suntuk pun tak apa.

Lepas dah lama.

"You out of my life" pun lagi bahagia.

=)

Mula-mula dan Lepas dah lama memang tak sama

Tepuk dada tanya rasa

Macam mana nak kekalkan bahagia

Bercinta memang indah segala

Cuma perasaan tu je takut tak kekal lama.

Takut lama-lama boleh jadi gila.

Sebab ramai manusia dah kecundang dengan cinta.

Ok. sekarang takut!

Memang kita ini semua sama.

Tak ada bezanya.

Fesyen Baju Raya.

alau tahun lepas macam ini..

2010 jadi macam ni pulak???

(Sila lihat gambar dibawah)

Ya ammpun!!!

Tangan Lengan Getah???

Fashion Police!!

Datang cepat !!

Fashion Crime dah ni.

Tolonglah...

Sakit mata tengok tangan lengan getah macam ni.

Ini bukan trend.

Ini betul2 kepam.

Heh..

Kesimpulannya:

Lea A tak suka baju kurung yang dekat lengan baju ada getah.

20 August at 16:21 · Comment · · Hide feedback (22)

• DM likes this.
• • 

    xxx samalah!

    20 August at 16:25 · · 1 person
  • 

    YYY aku suke!

    20 August at 16:26 ·
  • Lea Anif

    menyampah ok. aku geli! tolonglah jangan ramai2 pakai baju camtu. tak "in" pun.

    20 August at 16:26 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif hahahahahha.. kau suka kin? aku tak suka. :)

    20 August at 16:26 ·
  • 

    YYY suke jugak! sbb senang ak nak buat keje.. eh getah eh??? getah tak suka.. taoi suke yg ada cuff

    20 August at 16:27 ·
  • 

    XXXXX apa kes lengan ada getah cerut camtu. Kalau orang berbadan gempal lagi la tak kena.

    20 August at 16:27 · · 1 person
  • 

    Lea Anif

    tu la.. kalau badan besar..nampak la macam sarung tangan.getah cerut macam zaman dulu.
    tak in pun..
    
    kin.. cuff lain. getah lain.
    ini getah cam getah beg tu. ish ish ish.
    ...See more

    20 August at 16:29 ·
  • 

    YYYY ho la aku salah pemahaman.. getah mcm tak style!!~ ahaks!

    20 August at 16:29 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif Getah la.. tak boleh blah! heh betul. tolonglah ..:D

    20 August at 16:30 ·
  • 

    ZZZZZ alah org pakai underwear pun getah dkt pinggang..same je

    20 August at 17:06 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif tu underwear..lain.. ni baju getah kat tangan. heh nyaa..
    
    underwear kalau taknak getah..terus tak payah pakai. kan senang!)

    20 August at 17:07 ·
  • 

    ZZZZZ ok kalah

    20 August at 17:14 · · 1 person
  • 

    Lea Anif hahaha :)

    20 August at 17:15 ·
  • b

    BUDAK KEJAM ko potong getah tu,buat ikat rambut

    20 August at 17:37 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif hahhaha...getah suar dalam buat getah ikat rambut? mak ai..fesyen tuu!! haha

    20 August at 17:38 ·
  • 

    ZZZZ lelaki pkai baju turtle neck hot x?

    20 August at 17:58 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif hhahahahahahha..:)) apa kes kau turtle neck plak niii!! heh btul!

    20 August at 17:59 ·
  • 

    ZZZZ ye la..baju tu pun mcm getah dkt lengan baju,cume die kt leher tapi lebih besar..

    20 August at 18:02 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif tak sama la achot. kalau kat lengan tu ada getah..fashion crime oi!:D haha

    20 August at 18:02 ·
  • NN

    NNN baju kurung hape tu ???org johor tak pakai la baju kurung mcm tu...kalau bagi org johor baju mcm tu jugak ..dia buat sarung nangka jer ...hahahah

    20 August at 21:41 ·
  • 

    Lea Anif haaaa...tau takpe. tak de kelass! hahaha

    21 August at 05:01 ·
• 
  

=)