Here we are again. It's 2022.
Ramadan is here. First day of fasting is in fact started today.
How do I feel? Nervous. But had to go through it anyway. I am praying to Allah for an easy first day. Despite actively involved with IF on daily basis. This Ramadan fasting is totally a different ball game. But, nawaitu is important. I just have to do my best.
At 3 am in the morning, I just want to ramble about vulnerability.
I hate to say this, but i rarely being vulnerable with a lot of people these days.
Even people said showing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness.
Putting down the 'I am strong' crown aside when being vulnerable is something that I am really careful about.
Life experiences made me feel this way.
Tonight, I have shown my vulnerability.
Not regretting it at all. But, I had to question myself when I was driving back home after that.
Why do I do that? Why showing vulnerability?
What is the expectation?
Obviously, the response I got by being vulnerable doesn't meet my expectations.
Again, not regretting the act. But, I just put my two foot down. Clearing the unfinished business in my mind.
I think I lost my 'daredevil' spot at this age.
Totally forgot when was the last time I did that.
How do I feel after being vulnerable and received the response?
I don't know. Should I continue the effort? I don't know. Should I let it go? I don't know. Does my crown cracked? I don't know. Does my ego bruised? I don't know
Come to the extend, I felt that I lost control by being vulnerable tonight. Why did I do that tho? Lol.
But one thing for sure is, I like the relief sensation after pouring out whatever that I feel.
Hey, the feeling wasn't that bad. I guess.
At least I took it out from my system and have clear senses after that.
Sometimes, I am just tired to have to be strong all the time. Here you go..being vulnerable. Lol
So I guess being vulnerable is something that I should do more at the right time and perfect moment. Practice makes perfect.
Still, not regretting it. I am proud of myself that I have elevate to the next level. Opening up and own the feeling. Something that I don't know i will do it again very soon. It's Just feel so weird. lol
Bear in mind, being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness.
Have a blessed Ramadan everyone.
Till we meet again soon.
