Friday, August 27, 2010

Raya Raya Raya

Dulu aku suka Raya.
Masa kecik-kecik.
Time raya la dapat banyak duit
Lepas raya jadi kaya raya

Sekarang
Aku tak suka raya
Bukan tak suka nak merayakan hari kemenangan setelah sebulan Ramadan.
Tapi bila datang raya je jadi pening
Baru aku faham kenapa mak dengan abah buat muka ketat je bila datangnya puasa.

Anak ada empat berderet.
Semua nak baju raya, kasut raya, segala meraya-raya
Duit raya belum lagi.
Orang nak datang rumah, belanja dapur, langsir raya.
Aduhh hati yang tak beraya dan tak berdaya.

Memang la orang kata
"berbelanja ikut kemampuan"
Cakap memang sedap.
Dah tak mampu nak dimampukan lagi dah ni.

Orang dah kahwin- oklah. semua boleh share.
Suami isteri hidup sepakat, bantu membantu.
Aku. share dengan sapa? Hantu?

Ishk..Aku tak suka raya. Sebab banyak pakai duit.
Hari raya tahun ni paling tak meriah rasanya.
Dengan rumah kena rompak.
Dengan tak ada teman
Dengan dugaan yang datang pelbagai rupa dan rasa
Baju raya pun tak beli lagi.
Inikan lagi kasut raya.
Duit zakat esok lusa baru nak bayar...
Duit raya kanak-kanak ribena dan Todt pun belum masuk dalam budget.

Alhamdulillah.
Rezeki raya orang gomen tak sama macam aku. :)
Walau tak berduit dan tak bermood nak beraya tahun ni, aku tetap balik JB.
Oh...tu tak terfikir lagi.

Ok da pening!
Bulan-bulan puasa banyak whining.
Berdosa. Mari mengingatkan diri sendiri.
Sabar.

Aku percaya, ada rezeki dihujung sana..
Kalau bukan bulan raya, bulan tak raya pun ok lah!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Sembelih

Ayam dah tak cukup ke dalam dunia ni nak disembelih?
Tulang-tulang rangka lembu dah habis ke nak ditetak?
Baby dah tak cute lagi ke sampai kena buang?
Manusia dah tak boleh fikir ke sampai buat anak melambung 15 meter ke udara?
Semua manusia dah tak siuman ke sampai pisau jadi barang mainan?

Aku pening
Takut
Drama eh
Macam-macam musim sekarang ni.

Emaaaakkkkk
Takut!
Rasa nak duduk balik dalam perut mak macam 25 tahun dulu.
Emaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk!!!!!
:((

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tahan

Tahan perasaan.
Kau sanggup ke?

Tahan rasa.
Kau mampu ke?

Tahan diri
Kau boleh ke?

Tahan nafsu.
Kau hebat ke?

Tahan fikiran.
Kau tahan ke?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Coklat


Saya suka ferrero roche
Tapi saya tak boleh makan bunga.

=)

Sedapnya coklat!

Terima kasih!
Saya tahu kawan saya sayang saya

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Bahagia..

Perjalanan yang sepatutnya 3 jam setengah aku cepatkan jadi 2 jam 45 minit.
Lebuhraya Utara Selatan jadi macam Federal Highway aku rasakan.
Terbayangkan Tol Skudai bermula sejak tag kan Smart Tag di Tol Sg Besi.

Dinihari dah berada diJB.
Rindu ok.
Rezeki bukan disini.
Rezeki aku ditengah-tengah kota KL.

Rindu sangat.
Balik dengan sepantas kilat.
Tak mampu nak tahan perasaan.

Bermula awal Ramadan
Macam-macam yang datang.
Dari duduk termenung sorang-sorang
Baik berbuka bersahur dengan keluarga tersayang
dan sahabat handai yang masih mahu meneman.

Rindu tak tertahan-tahan.
Teringat Todt yang macam-macam perangai.
Rasa nak terbang.

Dan aku dah sampai pun ke kampung halaman.

Bahagia..kan?
;-)

Friday, August 20, 2010

Puasa ke 9

Puasa ke sembilan diraikan dengan Majlis Buka Puasa menarik.


Alhamdulillah.
=)

Reunite.

This photo was taken in 1997.
All of us were 12.(execpt for the teachers la kan)
We had a good time. Joyful moment.
I uploaded this photo yesterday on facebook.

Its been thirteen years.
Comments, one after another being posted on the photos.
Nice.

I missed this moment.
-when I had my first boyfriend.
-when I start to feel the love.
-when I start my friendship with my girls.
-when I know that I am actually smart
- when I learn how
to be brave
-how I learn to let go the feelings.
This is where it all started.

Some of them are still the same.
Some of them are no longer the same.
Hope we could still speak the same language.

We'll reunite again...soon!
=)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring.
People easily said that.
Anytime.
Anywhere.

But some of the things in the world that you couldn't share.
Agree?

Your feelings
Your soul
Your love

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The saddest 1st Ramadhan ever.

I never felt so alone.
1st Ramadan.
I was supposed to having a great buka puasa with a friend who so called generous for letting me stay in her house for few days.
However, due to some misunderstanding happened between us
Maybe she was too scared that I might take the advantage of me having a so called luxuries in her place, she did posted something in her FB.- Which is related to me , I guess.
Pathetic eh?
Its like dealing with an 8 years old kid.
I was only stayed at her place for 3 days. Just because of I am afraid of living alone in the house. Traumatized.
Its not like a month and yet I wasn't just crashing into.
I asked about it politely. And she said yes..so does her husband!


I'm blessed, however.
I cried while I'm still in the office.
Pretending like nothing happened,
I went back to her place and get all my stuff out from her house
Told her that- I have someone to accompany me at home.
Well, pathetically..None!

Sad isn't?
Its ok. Its all right.
I ate Nasi Lemak with Fried Chicken and Chrysanthemum Tea for buka puasa.
My tears dropped.
Haih laaa..
Alone.

That was the saddest moment ever for this year and I am thankful to God that I am still alive.
Nowadays, its hard to find people who could help you sincerely eh?
Some people took me as a threat.
Why is that?
I am devastated.

Imagine this.
Alone, down with fever!
How is that?
Great.

It is 2nd of Ramadan.
and I'm fasting while having a fever!
Yeay!
=)

You would like to see what she wrote?
;-)

XXXXXXXXXXXXX- consider my self quite a generous person,love to help,don't mind to give.but please don't take it granted.just dont let me open my mouth.its will hurt you.tell me again why i need to come out with some money most of the time every time i meet you,just like you, my husband kicking his nut off to feed me with food,dont push it too far

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Manusia.

Senyum
Gelak
Ketawa
Suka
Nangis
Sengih.
Muram.


Itu semua ekspressi raut wajah.

Tapi dalam hati... siapa yang tahu?

Mulut kata lain
Hati kata lain.
Badan buat lain
Otak fikir lain.

Itulah manusia.

Hati membuak-buak nak lepaskan rasa dihati.
Tapi tak boleh.
Tettttttttttttt
Kekangan yang ada membataskan semua.

Manusia..hai..manusia..
Simpan dalam hati sajalah!

;-)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Breaking down


After few days...

I am breaking down.
Finally I get to cry after too many things happened to me.
Ive been trying to do so since that night.
I just couldn't .

and yet- finally...today I cried in the office.
2 drops of tears - thats enough.

I was thinking,
this Ramadan is one of the saddest Ramadan I ever had.
So called homeless and practically broke.

I miss my house.
But I just scared to be there.
Trauma, perhaps

Oh. I get too carried away.
Benci lah!

Please make me laugh again.
I just don't want to think anymore.
and seriously I will leave it to God for the next best thing could happen to me.

I miss JB all of the sudden even I just came back from JB yesterday.
I need a hug badly.

Nak pelukkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!
Uwaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Nak cuti lagi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=D

One by one

2010 is one of the toughest year so far.
Live in a way that I choose by myself makes me wonder..

All the obstacles is coming into my way
Challenges is everywhere.

I am afraid.
Its not easy.

Someone broke into my lovely crib last week.
(I am fine. and lucky that I wasn't around during the tragedy)
The laptop (age 6), the phone (age 4) and my collection of coins gone missing. It has its own sentimental values. =(
Workload is like hell.
Bosses have no humanity feelings.(sometimes)
Financial are not stable. (most of the time)
Life is practically here and there. (always)

God is testing me.
I know.

I have lost so many things in my life not only material, also emotional.
How?
I don't know.

I think its not safe to be here anymore.
I am paranoid.
The safest place that I love is no longer be one.

Crazy and pathetic.
But thank god that friends are around when I was in a "deep shit" situation.
Thank you, guys.
You are the best.

I just came back from my rehab session during the weekend.
It was ok.
I am practically fine outside.
But not inside.
As usual.

Friends,
I love you all.
Really much!
=(

Monday, August 2, 2010

Janji



JANGAN JANJI KALAU TAK BOLEH BUAT!

JANGAN JANJI KALAU TAK BOLEH DELIVER!

JANGAN JANJI BENDA-BENDA YANG MENYUSAHKAN ORANG LAIN!

JANGAN JANJI BENDA YANG BUKAN-BUKAN!

JANGAN JANJI LAHHHH!!!

SUKA BERJANJI TAPI ORANG LAIN YANG KENA!
APA KES?

JANGAN JANJI!
LEPAS TU MARAH2!
JANGAN JANJI LAHHHHHHHHHH!!

*ok. sorry for the caps lock.geram!*
Hehehe... ;-)