Content. Grateful. Comfort

Hello. 

It's Friday. Another long weekend for Malaysia!

I found my own blog page while searching for my own name. What a bizarre thing to do at work while conducting research for work. lol. 😂

Hey, in 13 days I will be 37 years old!

Now how do I feel? Mixed emotions!

Why?

I never feel my 37 years. I constantly imagine myself to be 24 years old. lol.

(However, I might grow to be 29 this year.)

You you aware of how 37 normally appears? lol. I can promise you that I do not resemble the normal 37-year-old mum.

Well, these are how I'm feeling right now..

No 1. Content.

I've been happy with who I am and what I have for the past two years of my life. I do not pursue. I attract. I'll give the essential things in my life right now top priority. So stop worrying about little things. I believe that my mental health is improved by this conduct and outlook.

No 2. Grateful.

Seeing my son's face when I first wake up in the morning makes me feel blessed. Alhamdulillah, Ya Allah. The finest sensation imaginable.

One of my coworkers told me about this trick.

"You should feel thankful every morning when you first open your eyes. Why? since you are still alive!"

Exactly right. There is still time to make your life the way you want it to be while you are still living. We do that because we are human. We make plans, put in our best effort, ask God for success, and we shall succeed.

No 3. Comfort

I haven't felt this comfortable with myself in a very long time. Every time I go, I feel unfit and uncomfortable, which isn't the finest feeling in the world.

But I do think that as we get older, we learn to accept all of our shortcomings and focus on the positive aspects of ourselves.

God certainly does miracles. Anywhere I go, I feel at ease in my own skin, and I enjoy every small victory. even the smallest.

I don't pay attention to the doubters any longer.. Lantaklah korang nak cakap apa, janji tak kacau korang 😋

Anyway..

Being 37 makes me feel better in my own way, and during the previous few years, my outlook has significantly changed. It's not enough to think positively as a mantra. It's how I steer my life in a positive direction.

Even in the worst circumstances, I strive to look for the positive side of things.

I am a human after all, and I am going to make mistakes. But I don't always feel that way. Even now, I experience ups and downs.

So, let's love ourselves and our lives and #celebratesmallsuccess every day.

simply because life is short.

All of you have a blessed weekend and may Allah be with you!

I'll be back shortly, p.s. Could it be in 13 days? 😘

💓, Lea

Vulnerability

Hello there!

Here we are again. It's 2022. 

Ramadan is here. First day of fasting is in fact started today.

How do I feel? Nervous. But had to go through it anyway. I am praying to Allah for an easy first day. Despite actively involved with IF on daily basis. This Ramadan fasting is totally a different ball game. But, nawaitu is important. I just have to do my best.

At 3 am in the morning, I just want to ramble about vulnerability.

I hate to say this, but i rarely being vulnerable with a lot of people these days.

Even people said showing vulnerability  is not a sign of weakness.

Putting down the 'I am strong' crown aside when being vulnerable is something that I am really careful about.

Life experiences made me feel this way.

Tonight, I have shown my vulnerability.

Not regretting it at all. But, I had  to question myself when I was driving back home after that.

Why do I do that? Why showing vulnerability?

What is the expectation?

Obviously, the response I got by being vulnerable doesn't meet my expectations.

Again, not regretting the act.  But, I just put my two foot down. Clearing the unfinished business in my mind.

I think I lost my 'daredevil' spot at this age.

Totally forgot when was the last time I did that.

How do I feel after  being vulnerable and received the response?

I don't know. Should I continue the effort? I don't know. Should I let it go? I don't know. Does my crown cracked? I don't know. Does my ego bruised? I don't know

Come to the extend, I felt that I lost control by being vulnerable tonight. Why did I do that tho?  Lol.

But one thing for sure is, I like the relief sensation after pouring out whatever that I feel.

Hey, the feeling wasn't that bad. I guess. 

At least I took it out from my system and have clear senses after that.

Sometimes, I am just tired to have to be strong all the time.  Here you go..being vulnerable. Lol

So  I guess being vulnerable is something that I should do more at the right time and perfect moment. Practice makes perfect. 

Still, not regretting it. I am proud of myself that I have elevate to the next level. Opening up and own the feeling. Something that I don't know i will do it again very soon. It's Just feel so weird. lol 

Bear in mind, being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness.

Have a blessed Ramadan everyone. 

Till we meet again soon.

Phase of life. Hey, its 2021?!

 Hello!

I don't know why, but today I googled my name on the net.

It drives me to this blog. OMG. hahaaha

Ah.. memory remains. I browse through the blog. Re-read most of my posting here. I laughed. This blog reminds me how I was leading my life in my 20s in various phases.

Single, in denial. In relationship. In denial. Married. In denial. Divorced. In denial. Back to single as a mom. No more in denial. I am here! Living in the moment and enjoying every bits of it.

I quite happy with myself. Alhamdulillah that after all these years, I managed to experience the life that I am living now.

So many great things happened. So much experiences.

I am still smiling when writing this. Reminding myself how naive I was in my early days.

Scared of what people going to say. Afraid of taking chances. Scared of trying something new. Focus on unimportant things. Not living in the moment.. Those are some of the things that I believe I should have done better.

I wish I have the current mindset in my younger days. I would have been a better version of myself, I guess?

But, Allah has set our life from the top.

Grateful. I practice gratitude everyday. Rarely regret on my actions these days. Because I will try to be as conscious as I am in my daily lives.

Well, I have completed my 2 doses of COVID-19 vaccine. Yay! Jaga jelah SOP and doa supaya Allah lindungi. In sha Allah.

Hey, how are you doing these days? I do hope whoever read this will be protected by the Almighty.

I guess I already get used to these new-norm.

I have taken control of myself. Be conscious. I put my focus on myself more these days.

2021 has become another challenging year for all of us. I decided to elevate my life.

Focus on the attention that I should put into. Being a good person. Lost estimated 16-17kgs (Its such a big achievement for me!), try to be a good mother (definitely not the perfect one! lol), working hard to achieve the work KPI while maintaining healthy relationship with the father of my son, my family members, my parents and people that I am dealing with. 

New partner? I have no intention to get one so far. Quite content at the moment.

Honestly, I do think of getting into a new relationship sometimes (mostly before falling sleep at night) lol!. But, when the morning comes and when I started to get busy in my role as a human, mother, worker and servant of the Almighty, that desire is gone. lol.

I don't know. I guess I do have trust issue. Not sure if I can let other person to enter my circle of life anytime soon as my circle is very very small. We'll see. No rush huh?

Well, I noticed also that I don't have much friends these days. The closest friend that I have now is my baby-sister. We are more as best friend that siblings. We shared so many secrets and stories than I could ever imagine. Oh, tomorrow its her birthday! We are getting much closer since we are caught in the same single mom situation. But, we are ok. We got each other's back and I am forever grateful for the non-judgmental circle that we both created. Alhamdullilah.

Communication is the key. 

I tend to speak my mind in a better tone these days. Be nice. Assertive doesn't mean that you have to be aggressive all the time. You'll get what you want as long your intention is pure.

I wanted to say more. But I am running out of time. My next meeting is coming in 10 mins time.

I don't know who gonna read this. But, I hope that you'll gain some insights.

Patience is Virtue. Be grateful. Ask from the Almighty. He will show you the way. I don't know what the future holds. But, I am praying for my success here in this world and aim for better life in hereafter.

I'll talk again soon. Yes, soon :)

Be safe and take care of yourself.

Hey! How are you?

The new normal.

WFH. setting up new office. Juggling being a mom and an employee at the same time. everyday.

Except for weekends. lol

COVID-19 is still lingering around. So many acronyms appear these days.

MCO-CMCO-PKP-PKPB-PKPD and so much more.

Here I am. Being grateful to Allah.

Being thankful for all His blessing.

I still have a job. Alhamdulillah.

I still be able to pay my bills and do my duties as a daughter and a mom even I only seen the numbers online and within 15 minutes of spending time on online banking page- Phuffs! The numbers are shrinking! lol.

Still, in this pandemic. I am so blessed with my life.

What more could I ask for? Alhamdulillah!

Well, how are you doing?

I really hope whoever that stumbled into this blog  and reading this- he or she is also blessed with so many rezeki by Him.

Great health and good wealth. :)

15 mins left before my next global weekly meeting. 

I decided to write something here. Just to clear my mind.

Writing something nonesense - just to clear my senses.

I miss writing here. I do.

Most nights on bed, always think of writing something here. but never do. 

Humans and Procastination. 

I miss travelling. Last trip to Germany back in February 2020 which I thought would be my 1st trip of the year turned out to be my only trip of the year! Haha

Thank God I made to cologne and had so much experience with Germany train system.

I miss the smell of the airport. I miss pulling my luggage and checking in at the airlines counter.

Even i still hate packing. But I still miss the salty flight food and looking outside the window during flight.

Well.. something that I can only do now is revisiting my Instagram stories. That'll do for now.

Oh I gained few kilos and look plumped. Blame anything else than myself, please.... lol

Zafeer is getting smarter. He is healthy and active. That is one of the biggest blessing in life.

Whatelse huh? Nothing much but work. Boss is being so nice.. still. 5 years with the company this year.

Celebrated my 5th anniversary in September 2020. Yay! I love my job and i love people who I working with.

Life is good. Everyday is a blessing. Allahuakhbar. I have been blessed with lots of things in this life.

Trying hard not to be ungrateful and enjoy each day of life. But seems hard sometimes. especially when period is approaching. haha!

Women.

7 minutes left before the meeting. I better log into my Skype meeting now.

Again.. I hope you are well and I pray that you will always be blessed.

Life is a journey. Not a destination. So, lets enjoy it!

P/s: I realised that I am still 24 at heart in November- each year! :)

~Lea

26.11.2020

10.54pm

Shah Alam