Phase of life. Hey, its 2021?!

 Hello!

I don't know why, but today I googled my name on the net.

It drives me to this blog. OMG. hahaaha

Ah.. memory remains. I browse through the blog. Re-read most of my posting here. I laughed. This blog reminds me how I was leading my life in my 20s in various phases.

Single, in denial. In relationship. In denial. Married. In denial. Divorced. In denial. Back to single as a mom. No more in denial. I am here! Living in the moment and enjoying every bits of it.

I quite happy with myself. Alhamdulillah that after all these years, I managed to experience the life that I am living now.

So many great things happened. So much experiences.

I am still smiling when writing this. Reminding myself how naive I was in my early days.

Scared of what people going to say. Afraid of taking chances. Scared of trying something new. Focus on unimportant things. Not living in the moment.. Those are some of the things that I believe I should have done better.

I wish I have the current mindset in my younger days. I would have been a better version of myself, I guess?

But, Allah has set our life from the top.

Grateful. I practice gratitude everyday. Rarely regret on my actions these days. Because I will try to be as conscious as I am in my daily lives.

Well, I have completed my 2 doses of COVID-19 vaccine. Yay! Jaga jelah SOP and doa supaya Allah lindungi. In sha Allah.

Hey, how are you doing these days? I do hope whoever read this will be protected by the Almighty.

I guess I already get used to these new-norm.

I have taken control of myself. Be conscious. I put my focus on myself more these days.

2021 has become another challenging year for all of us. I decided to elevate my life.

Focus on the attention that I should put into. Being a good person. Lost estimated 16-17kgs (Its such a big achievement for me!), try to be a good mother (definitely not the perfect one! lol), working hard to achieve the work KPI while maintaining healthy relationship with the father of my son, my family members, my parents and people that I am dealing with. 

New partner? I have no intention to get one so far. Quite content at the moment.

Honestly, I do think of getting into a new relationship sometimes (mostly before falling sleep at night) lol!. But, when the morning comes and when I started to get busy in my role as a human, mother, worker and servant of the Almighty, that desire is gone. lol.

I don't know. I guess I do have trust issue. Not sure if I can let other person to enter my circle of life anytime soon as my circle is very very small. We'll see. No rush huh?

Well, I noticed also that I don't have much friends these days. The closest friend that I have now is my baby-sister. We are more as best friend that siblings. We shared so many secrets and stories than I could ever imagine. Oh, tomorrow its her birthday! We are getting much closer since we are caught in the same single mom situation. But, we are ok. We got each other's back and I am forever grateful for the non-judgmental circle that we both created. Alhamdullilah.

Communication is the key. 

I tend to speak my mind in a better tone these days. Be nice. Assertive doesn't mean that you have to be aggressive all the time. You'll get what you want as long your intention is pure.

I wanted to say more. But I am running out of time. My next meeting is coming in 10 mins time.

I don't know who gonna read this. But, I hope that you'll gain some insights.

Patience is Virtue. Be grateful. Ask from the Almighty. He will show you the way. I don't know what the future holds. But, I am praying for my success here in this world and aim for better life in hereafter.

I'll talk again soon. Yes, soon :)

Be safe and take care of yourself.

Hey! How are you?

The new normal.

WFH. setting up new office. Juggling being a mom and an employee at the same time. everyday.

Except for weekends. lol

COVID-19 is still lingering around. So many acronyms appear these days.

MCO-CMCO-PKP-PKPB-PKPD and so much more.

Here I am. Being grateful to Allah.

Being thankful for all His blessing.

I still have a job. Alhamdulillah.

I still be able to pay my bills and do my duties as a daughter and a mom even I only seen the numbers online and within 15 minutes of spending time on online banking page- Phuffs! The numbers are shrinking! lol.

Still, in this pandemic. I am so blessed with my life.

What more could I ask for? Alhamdulillah!

Well, how are you doing?

I really hope whoever that stumbled into this blog  and reading this- he or she is also blessed with so many rezeki by Him.

Great health and good wealth. :)

15 mins left before my next global weekly meeting. 

I decided to write something here. Just to clear my mind.

Writing something nonesense - just to clear my senses.

I miss writing here. I do.

Most nights on bed, always think of writing something here. but never do. 

Humans and Procastination. 

I miss travelling. Last trip to Germany back in February 2020 which I thought would be my 1st trip of the year turned out to be my only trip of the year! Haha

Thank God I made to cologne and had so much experience with Germany train system.

I miss the smell of the airport. I miss pulling my luggage and checking in at the airlines counter.

Even i still hate packing. But I still miss the salty flight food and looking outside the window during flight.

Well.. something that I can only do now is revisiting my Instagram stories. That'll do for now.

Oh I gained few kilos and look plumped. Blame anything else than myself, please.... lol

Zafeer is getting smarter. He is healthy and active. That is one of the biggest blessing in life.

Whatelse huh? Nothing much but work. Boss is being so nice.. still. 5 years with the company this year.

Celebrated my 5th anniversary in September 2020. Yay! I love my job and i love people who I working with.

Life is good. Everyday is a blessing. Allahuakhbar. I have been blessed with lots of things in this life.

Trying hard not to be ungrateful and enjoy each day of life. But seems hard sometimes. especially when period is approaching. haha!

Women.

7 minutes left before the meeting. I better log into my Skype meeting now.

Again.. I hope you are well and I pray that you will always be blessed.

Life is a journey. Not a destination. So, lets enjoy it!

P/s: I realised that I am still 24 at heart in November- each year! :)

~Lea

26.11.2020

10.54pm

Shah Alam

Escalating the stairs- the ramblings

Looked up to the sky and wondering.
What if..and what if
Looking through the sliding door and thinking..
What if and what if

Too many what ifs has been playing on the back of my head since the divorce proceeding finalised.
Life has been a hell of rollercoaster ride for me since 1st February 2019.

Living day by day. Taking one steps at a time has been a mantra for me.
Sometimes, I feel like at the peak of the mountain.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm far deep inside the sea.

Percaya kepada qada' dab qadar Allah.
That's the Rukun Iman that I have to obey.

Another divorced case I heard to today.
While I am dealing with my own tangled life, a friend is going thru a divorce as well.

What on the earth has happened?
The big word D is something that I really hate to hear.

To my friend and the rest of human who is going thru a divorce stage..remember, we are in the same boat.
You are not alone and trust God's plan.
I am waiting for the miracle. Good things will happen and I believe that.

But now, I am down with sickness for the past 2 days.
Post divorce sickness I think?

It's been the 4th month..
I am still struggling. Really.

Ramadan is coming. Insyallah things will be better. ❤️

Best of luck to everyone.
Lea

Who knows the future?

Yes. 2 years since the last posting published here

2019 marks the 10th year anniversary of this blog. Congratulations, eh? 😂

Well, we don't know what the future holds..we never know what will happen even in the next seconds, minutes or even hour.

Quite frightening, kan? But somehow I learn how to let it go.

Newsflash! Not so much of newsflash, I think as I have opening up to more than hundreds of people via social media about it.

Here I am in Perth. First working trip of being single and back in the dating pool after so long. LOL.

Not a very proud of it. Never thought it's going to happen to me. Never know what was written by Allah to me until it arrived.

How do I feel? It such a mix feelings. Obviously sad..too sad too tell anyone and I managed to shield it with my outrageous laugh and smile.

This is an emotional rollercoaster which I did not signed up for. But was asked to ride on it. Never think of being divorced. Never think that someone I was crazily about since 7 years ago had let me go. Never planned anything to be back as a single woman with the best baggage in my life.

Do you think I want all these to happened? Do you think I am happy?
Do you think that I find it funny even I am laughing at even the simplest jokes?
Never.

But one thing I realised that..I feel relief.

What happened behind the curtains of our marriage, need not to be told here. Not important. Really.

But I am picking up pieces of my heart which are now scattered around places that I never know it exist.

We went thru this far (not that far..but still far jugak lah 😊)
The path is no longer the same for both of us...
Blamed it on anyone of us doesn't bring any good for our kid (s)
I have Zafeer to take care of. He has Zafeer as well. We need to cooperate for Zafeer. Friends with kids kinda thing? Have you heard that before? Haha

We came to the conclusion that there's nothing else that can be done.
Words uttered can't be taken back.
The lost of heart and feeling can't be back to its old home.

We accept the fate.
As cliche as it is..Tak ada jodoh..but somehow it's true. Jodoh cukup sampai di situ 😊

I am done crying. Yes, I did cry like a lot.
It's coming to the 2nd month..and one month left before my iddah ends.

What do I feel now? Numb.
Living day by day and starting back from 0.

There's always hikmah behind this.
I believe it will come because I trust Allah's plan for me..even I do not know anything about it.

The best is yet to come. Insyallah.

Sleep tight, all. ❤️