New Job.

Otak tak berkembang.

Serious.

5 bulan aku kat sini..

Rasa cam bersalah every each day.

Rasa not worth it.

Tak boleh nak buat apa.

Sponsor tak masuk2..

Semua yang di approach tak nak sponsor..

Ekonomi teruk...nampak aku yang cam tak buat kerja..

Isnin- ada dua interview.

Yeay!

Insyallah..dapat kerja..aku chow.

Heh!

What will happen next?

Its been two days since I left his place

Until now, he did not even mention anything about it.

We talk normally and we laugh easily 

Without any of the related issue occurred in our conversation

I wonder

What will happen next?

Haihhh....

Truthfully,

I am happy to live by myself in my small RM300 room

Happy and freely

Even, most of the time I'll be at home watching tv together with my housemate's two crazy cats

I am happy 

and 

I am numb

and I still trying to tell myself that 

"This is your house..Your only place to live in KL..There are no more place for you to sleep except here"

Because I keep thinking that I do have another place which is obviously his place

Moving out is not easy.

Seriously..

I am trying to make myself happy as so-called "single and unmarried lady"

Sleeping alone is the hardest part.

I couldn't sleep well in my single bed.

Sighhhh...

See? I am so used to sleep and to him and I am so used to hear his snore every each night for the past +- 4 years. (It's like a lullaby to me.heh!)

The smell of the bed..I miss all that...

Haihhh..

But, I made my choice.

Hope it'll be the best decision I ever made in my entire life-story.

Hope that Allah will show me the correct path..

Insyallah...

Sendiri

Almari kosong.

Hati aku? 

Sayu.

Dia?

Diam.

Muka sebal.

Aku pun muka sebal.

Tunggu Lee datang

5 beg plastik hitam- baju bersih.dengan hanger2 sekali aku letak

Laptop.

Plastik baju kotor

Barang2 lain.

Haihhh..

Lee datang

Angkat barang.

Dia tolong.

Senyap.

Tak cakap apa.

Aku dah pindah.

Pindah dalam erti kata sebenar.

Betul2 pindah. Serious!

3 tahun 10 bulan lamanya hidup bersama.

Macam tak percaya yang akhirnya aku yang sendiri nak pindah?!

Haihhh...

Sedih? Tengok almari baju aku kosong..sayu dan sikit sedih.

Lain-lain ?takde rasa

Termenung.

Bilik kecik itu pilihan aku.

Kemas barang

Bertafakur

Amik mood

Hisap rokok...hela nafas.

Berfikir..

Haihhhhh....

Hidup baru

Tidur sendiri.

Hidup sendiri.

Harap2 ada sinar dihujung nanti

Bukan aku menarik diri jauh sekali membawa hati..

Cuma nak mengajar diri

Bahawa tiada siapa yang akan mengubah nasib ini

Kalau bukan AKU SENDIRI!

Heh!

Harap2 hidup diberkati.

Oh ya...

Tanda 1- Dah dapat parking utk aku sewa

Alhamdulillah. 

Yang ajaibnya, takde deposit! seriously????

Alhamdulillah SEPULUH KALI!

Tuhan, bantu la diriku ini.

Feelingless and Statusless

Selepas hujung minggu yang sangat packed.

Diganggu pula mimpi2 yang tak berapa enak dalam tidur..

Mimpi si bekas perempuan lah, mimpi bapak pengantin yang nikah last week meninggal lah, mimpi mak Ollie meninggal lah..haihhhss... macam2 hal..

Barang da dipacked. Sikit2.

Baju yangbergantung oleh hanger2 masih lagi didalam almari.

Macam mana nak bawak naik kereta. Terlalu byk.

Semalam, plannya nak pindah.

Lee da call..

Aku cakap..hujan! Memang pun! Even rintik2..still hujan kan?

Mood penat dan malas berlilit2 dalam diri.

Malam ni mesti nak kena angkut barang!

Regardless anything that might happen.

Hujan ke ribut ke..aku kena kotakan apa aku kata.

Insyallah!

Yeay!! Kembali hidup bujang!

Hari ni rasa kosong.

Facebook pun aku takde rasa nak tukar2 status.

Seriously feelingless and statusless.

Heh sekali.

Oh...rindu Todt banyak2!

Haihhhhhhhhhhh