I had a very rough moment a week before my trip to Myanmar.
With the work load, the urgent stuff which comes from the boss who was away and had a huge difference of time zone, kelam kabutness preparing for my trip itinerary, arranging for the current checklist and etc etc..oh not forgetting, the period has also decided to drop by within the same time as well.. and yasss! The drop of milk production was adding the cherry on top of my volcano.
Sigh. Emotion wrecked. Pretty bad. Really. I blew up my tantrum like a kid who didn't get the attention that she needs while I was in the office that one day. I cried during my pumping session in the surau. My milk didn't increase, of course. My phone didn't stop beeping. My body ache and I spread the bad vibes to the entire room in the office.
I cried about 3 minutes. Then I suddenly stop.
Enough with the self pity. I havent had this kind of break down since my confinement day, I guess? No one force me to be in this situation.
Why so much pressure?
I hate self pity. I was raised without much empathy. Not even to myself. Pretty weird huh? But thats what i realised since i been married. And when talk about self pity? Ya right..it has never been practice. Not even my mother taught me so.
So, why did I cry?
The answer is easy. The pressure came because I wanted to win it all. Yes. Win it all. We women were taught that 'We can make it all happen'..'We are independent'..'We can win it all' 😜
Not to say those are wrong. But the mistake made by most women is..we take all of that phrase literally.
Win it all doesnt mean you can have it all the things in the world that you want. Independent is not meant for you to do all the house chores by your own..or keep the house spotless clean while taking care of your kids without the help of your husband. Make it all happen does not mean you must provide all the requests on your work in a ridiculous timeline.
Well, i was wrong. I lost my balance and i took all the sayings literally. Yes. Each of it. Literally. I lost in the battle given by God. I have encountered the first meltdown of 2017. Perfect way to start the new year huh?
Life must go on. Cheesy as it is. I wiped out my tears. Completed my pumping session and started my session to The One.
That was all i did before i went back into the office with a different vibes.
Two things i have learnt that day.
No.1- I can win it all (only with my own definition and help from people in my surroundings)
No.2- Self pity doesn't help much in life. I can be sad but not pity myself for nothing.
Because life is like that 😜
Oh, Happy Chinese New Year.
Have a great long weekend, people!
Sent from my iPhone
